


Arithmetic

by carolinecrane



Series: down is where we came from [15]
Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-28
Updated: 2010-09-28
Packaged: 2017-10-12 06:50:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck does not get lucky on their first night home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Arithmetic

Puck does not get lucky on their first night home.

He's right about his mom losing it the second she sees Beth's picture, and he plans on taking advantage of her sudden exit to get Kurt alone again. Because sure, yeah, Kurt wants to make a good impression. Puck gets that, he really does.

But Kurt _did_ make a good impression, first with the scared rabbit routine, then later when Puck told his mother that Kurt was the one who'd copied and enlarged the picture into a glossy, perfect 11x14 to sit on her mantel right in the center.

First thing she does is grab Kurt and kiss him on both cheeks, totally ignoring the fact that if it wasn't for Puck there wouldn't _be_ a picture to copy. Then she bolts for the kitchen, voice all watery as she mumbles something about putting coffee on to go with the cake.

As soon as she's gone Puck tries to get Kurt to go back to his room and finish what they started, but Kurt just looks at him like he's some kind of sex offender and wastes the time until his mom comes back talking to Sarah about how she likes McKinley. Like Kurt Hummel gives a damn what goes on at McKinley these days.

After that it's more boring small talk over dessert, then Kurt and his mom have another lovefest about how nice it is to finally meet each other, and just when Puck's about to slip into a coma from sheer boredom, Kurt stands up and announces he's leaving.

"Already?"

"It's late," Kurt says, looking at Puck like he's a little kid who's throwing a fit because he's not getting his way. Like _he's_ the one who's being unreasonable.

"Babe," Puck says as he follows Kurt into the hall, "you could stay awhile. You know, watch some TV, wait for my mom to fall asleep..."

"What part of 'no sex in your mom's house' are you not getting?" Kurt asks. He's wrapping a scarf around his neck while he talks, higher and higher until Puck can't help thinking about how much fun it would be to unwrap him again.

"Yeah, I know." Puck drops his voice and glances over his shoulder to make sure his sister's not lurking around before he turns back to Kurt. "But that was before I gave you your Christmas present. Don't you want to have a ceremonial tossing of the condoms?"

Kurt sighs and pulls his coat on, then he grabs Puck's hand and drags him outside. And it's fucking _cold_ out, but Puck lets himself be dragged all the way to Kurt's dad's truck anyway.

"Of course I do," Kurt says once they're safely out of earshot of Puck's mother. He even lets Puck pull him close, though whether it's because he wants to or because he feels bad about dragging Puck out here to freeze his balls off, Puck doesn't know.

Whatever the reason, he doesn't argue when Puck slides his arms under Kurt's coat where it's warm, hands open on his back and pressing as much of himself against Kurt as he can. "So stay."

He whispers the words against Kurt's neck, and when Kurt sighs and tilts his head a little, Puck knows he's making progress. Kurt's hands are on his shoulders, opening and closing on his shirt like he can't decide between pulling Puck closer and shoving him away.

"What you did...getting tested," Kurt says, voice soft and a little breathy and Puck knows if he looked he'd see Kurt blushing again, "that was...I mean, I get it. At least I think I get it."

He's babbling now, and Puck figures he should probably put the guy out of his misery, so he abandons his exploration of Kurt's neck to shut him up the best way he knows how. Except as soon as he goes in for a kiss Kurt's hand lands in the center of his chest, just holding him an inch away and _looking_. Like he really isn't sure if he gets why Puck did it, and he needs to hear Puck say it. And he can do that, because the whole shy routine has never really worked for him, and if saying it out loud is going to get him what he wants, he'll say it a hundred times.

"This is it for me, Kurt," he says, eyes wide and sincere and okay, maybe he's laying it on a little thick. Doesn't make it any less true, though, so if it helps him get back in Kurt's pants, it's all for a good cause. "I just figured you should know."

Kurt breathes out a little sigh that Puck feels against his mouth, his body trembling under Puck's hands and he can't fucking _believe_ they're having this conversation up against Burt's truck when they could be in his room right now, wearing a lot less clothes and not getting frostbite.

When Kurt doesn't say anything Puck pushes forward again, and this time Kurt doesn't stop him from pressing their mouths together. He kisses Puck back like he's afraid maybe it's the last time, which is just stupid, because Puck just told him he plans on doing this for the rest of his life. But he figures the best way to make Kurt believe it is to show him, so he tightens his grip on Kurt's waist and takes a few steps back toward the house.

"Stop," Kurt says, pulling his mouth away from Puck's to pant against his neck. "Hearing you say that...but it doesn't change the fact that your mother's in there, not to mention your sister."

"So I'll go back to your place. I'll wait until she's asleep and take the car. You can let me in the basement window, your dad doesn't even have to know I'm there."

"Sure, and we can just ask Finn to close his eyes and think of England."

Puck frowns at the joke he doesn't get, but Kurt just shakes his head and presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth. "Your timing completely sucks. The date on that letter is two weeks ago; why on earth did you wait so long to show it to me?"

He shrugs, because there's not really a good answer for that. "Guess I thought it would be kind of romantic."

"It is," Kurt says, pressing their lips together for one last kiss. "Unbelievably, idiotically romantic. But I'm still not having sex with you."

He's gone before Puck can argue, ducking out of his grip and climbing into Burt's truck. And Puck can't believe the bastard's just going to leave him there, standing in his mom's driveway with his arms wrapped around his chest, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase 'blue balls'.

"Goddamn," Puck says to no one in particular as he turns to walk back to the house.

~

He doesn't get lucky on their second night back in Lima, either.

They don't see each other all day; Kurt's got some kind of marathon shopping trip with Carole that involves, like, table linens and every grocery store in Lima and fuck knows what else. And Puck doesn't really want to hang out with his little sister all day, but it sure as hell beats carrying Kurt and Carole's bags while they shop 'til they drop or whatever.

Halfway through the day he's bored and frustrated enough to consider sexting Kurt. He has a feeling it'll go over about as well as it did with Quinn back in high school, but at least Kurt will know Puck's thinking about him. He pulls out his phone and opens a new text, then he stares at the screen for a long time before he finally gives up and types _miss u. call me when ur done_

He tells himself he pussed out because the freeze-out he'd get from Kurt if Carole intercepted a sext would be epic. And it's partly true, yeah, but mostly the fact is that he _does_ miss Kurt, and it's just stupid that they both took time off work to fly all the way home and spend the entire time apart.

Ten minutes later he gets a text back that says, _Please, you know I can't stand text speak._

Puck rolls his eyes and hits reply immediately. Normally he'd wait a few minutes, just so Kurt wouldn't think he was waiting around, but he _is_ waiting around, and Kurt should feel bad about abandoning him all day.

 _Fine. But you better not have plans with your mom tomorrow. I want you all to myself._

There's no answer for a good five minutes, and Puck figures Kurt's ignoring him on purpose. Then his phone beeps, and Puck picks it up and grins at Kurt's message.

 _If I promise you my undivided attention tomorrow, will you go find something to do and stop pestering me?_

 _Sure thing, babe. I'll just kill some time alone in my room, thinking about you. I bet you can picture it if you try hard enough._

Kurt's next reply is almost immediate, and Puck laughs when he reads the one word message: _Bastard._

But he figures if Kurt's already picturing it, he might as well live up to his end of the bargain. He kicks his bedroom door shut and pulls his shirt off before he stretches out on his bed to think about Kurt for awhile.

~

The next time they see each other is that night at Kurt's dad's place. He shows up for dinner at 5:00 -- something about time equity, whatever the fuck that means, and Burt flipping out if Puck doesn't show his face for dinner at least once before Christmas -- even though Kurt's not expecting him until 5:30.

But he's tired of waiting, and when Kurt opens the door and slips outside, wrapping his arms around Puck's neck and kissing him like he's been thinking about it all day, Puck figures Kurt's pretty tired of waiting too.

And he's fine with staying right where they are, shivering on the Hummels' front step while Kurt kisses him like he's making promises he definitely intends to keep. But Kurt pulls away long before Puck's ready, smiling all shy like this is their first fucking date or something, and damn, how's he supposed to talk football with Burt while he's got _that_ image in his head?

But he's completely whipped and they both know it, so he lets Kurt take his hand and pull him inside, then he lets Kurt pull his letter jacket off and _hang it up_ , for fuck's sake, before he herds Puck into the living room to meet the family.

Except that Puck's already met Kurt's family, so he's not nervous when Burt stands up from his recliner and grips Puck's hand. "Glad you could make it, son," he says, then, "you want a beer?"

And man, Puck totally lucked out in the father-in-law department.

"Sure," he says, sprawling on the couch and looking over at Kurt, still hovering in the doorway like he's suddenly expecting Puck and his dad _not_ to get along. "Thanks."

"I'll get it, Dad," Kurt says when Burt moves toward the kitchen. Then he's gone and it's just Puck and Burt, watching the quarterback for the Bengals fumble a perfectly good pass.

"I thought this game was Pay-Per-View."

"Season pass," Burt answers without even blinking, and _damn_ , Puck really got lucky with the in-laws. Which he's pretty sure is the only thing he's getting lucky with tonight, at least if the look on Kurt's face when he hustles back into the living room with a couple Coronas is anything to go by.

Puck takes the beer Kurt hands him, fingers sliding against Kurt's on purpose and when Kurt looks down at him Puck just grins slow. "Thanks, babe."

He sees Burt's eyebrow go up out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn't care. They bought the beer Puck likes, after all, which means he's pretty much family as far as they're concerned. And it's not like he's going to stop calling Kurt that, so the way he figures it, Burt might as well get used to hearing it.

"Thanks," Burt says when Kurt hands over the other beer, frowning as he watches Kurt backing toward the door. "You going somewhere?"

And that's exactly what Puck's wondering, because he knows Kurt doesn't give a damn about the Bengals, but he was kind of hoping he'd sit next to Puck on the couch for awhile and let Puck work out excuses to touch him.

"I thought I'd see if Carole needs some help in the kitchen," Kurt answers, and if anything he looks even jumpier than he did right before he met Puck's mom for the first time. Puck figures Burt will argue, because they haven't spent that much time together since Kurt got home, and for Burt this definitely counts as quality time. But he just shrugs and says, "Suit yourself," then he turns back to the game, and a second later Kurt's gone.

Puck frowns in the direction of the living room door, wondering if he should go after Kurt and find out what the problem is. Not that he doesn't already know; Puck's been feeling pretty jumpy all day himself, and that kiss on the front step didn't help all that much.

He knows exactly how to solve both their problems. The problem is getting Kurt on board with his plan.

He's considering just cornering Kurt and dragging him into the nearest empty room when Finn appears in the living room door, cheeks red from the cold outside and his t-shirt covered in what look like grease stains.

"Puck," he says, like he's surprised to find Puck sitting on his couch. He's doing a pretty good impression of a deer in headlights, like maybe he forgot Puck and Kurt are a package deal now.

"Hudson," Puck answers, raising an eyebrow at Finn's clothes. "You lose a fight?"

Burt turns to look at him then too, but he looks a lot less surprised at Finn's appearance than he should be. "Oh, hey, you guys get that fuel injector situation worked out okay? If not you should tell..."

"Yeah," Finn interrupts, talking just a little too loud and blushing like he's got something to hide. "Yeah, it went fine. Everything's fine. I've been putting in some hours at Burt's shop between classes," he adds, glancing at Puck again.

And maybe everybody in Lima still thinks Puck's a total moron, but they're wrong. He knows when something's up, and he figures if he can't get it out of Finn, he'll just ask Kurt later. They're brothers, after all -- sort of, anyway -- and Kurt probably knows what Finn's hiding.

"I'm, uh, I'll just go change," he says, then he's gone again and it's just Burt and Puck.

"What's with him?" Puck asks once he's gone, and Burt looks up from the game long enough to blink at him.

"What? Oh, Finn. It's getting close to graduation and he still hasn't figured out what to do with his life. I think it's stressing him out some." Burt pauses and looks at Puck over the top of his beer bottle. "What about you, son? What are your plans?"

And okay, he wasn't really expecting this conversation, but it explains why Kurt ran out of here like his hair was on fire as soon as Puck showed up. Which makes him just as big a chicken as Puck -- bigger, even, because he ditched Kurt with his mom, sure, but as far as he knows she didn't interrogate Kurt about his intentions as soon as Puck's back was turned.

Still, Burt likes him fine, and he as good as proposed to Kurt last night, so he figures the truth is his best approach. "I figure me and Kurt'll get married. After that I haven't figured it out yet, but he's still got school, and we'll probably stay in L.A. I mean, we both like it okay there, and it's got all that fashion stuff Kurt's into."

For a second Burt just stares at him like Puck's speaking some foreign language. Then he blinks, slow, like he's just making sure he's actually awake. "I meant what are your plans for your visit home, but okay."

He's sort of surprised that Burt looks so surprised; he told Hudson already, after all, and Quinn's known for awhile now, so he figured the news would have spread before now. It doesn't look like Burt and Finn talk about Kurt all that much, though, and Puck wonders vaguely how much of a bitch Kurt's going to be when he finds out how Puck broke the news to his old man.

But it's too late now, so he figures he might as well keep going. "You're cool with that, right? I mean, the whole gay wedding thing? Me, I'd be fine with a J.P. and a honeymoon suite, but you know Kurt's going to want the total package."

Burt's mouth is open but he's not saying anything, and Puck starts to worry that he's stroking out or something, and if he kills Kurt's dad, it's going to put a crimp in their gay wedding plans for sure. But before Puck panics and dials 911 on his cell Burt clears his throat, then swallows the rest of his beer in one go.

"All I want for my boys is that they be happy," he finally says, and sure, he still looks a little like he's thinking about swallowing his own tongue, but Puck can tell he means it.

He's heard all Kurt's stories about how Burt had his back in high school when nobody else did, and Puck's always respected him a little more for it. His own dad didn't stick around long enough to be disappointed in him, after all, so the fact that Burt stuck it out says everything Puck needs to know.

"You're moving a little fast, don't you think?" Burt says, and Puck figures he should have seen that coming.

"We've known each other a long fucking time. Sir," Puck adds, managing not to wince like a pussy. "It took us awhile to get on the same page, sure, but I figure there aren't a lot of surprises left at this point."

Burt stares at him some more for awhile, and Puck holds his gaze even though he's itching to look away. He wishes Kurt would come back, or Hudson, even, just so Burt would stop looking at him like he's trying to see through Puck. Then he nods once and stands up, crossing toward the living room door. When he reaches the couch he rests his hand on Puck's shoulder, patting him a couple times like he's not really sure how to react here.

"Fair enough," he says, then his hand's gone and he's heading toward the door again. "You ready for another beer?"

"Yeah," Puck says, glancing down at the half full bottle still in his hand. "Thanks."

He waits until Burt's gone, then he drains the bottle in one long pull and sets it on the coffee table. He has no idea what just happened, but he has a feeling when Kurt hears about it he's going to be pissed. Plus there's still dinner with Kurt's family before Kurt kicks him out to sleep alone -- again -- and Puck has a feeling his chances of getting the sex ban lifted just got a whole lot lower.

~

It's nearly midnight by the time the kitchen's clean and the dishes are put away. Kurt and Finn are both downstairs, probably being so painfully polite to each other they're both going to develop an ulcer. Carole washes the last tray and hands it to Burt to dry, then she rinses out the sink and wrings out the sponge.

"I think Puck asked for my permission to marry Kurt tonight."

Carole looks up at him, but instead of looking shocked she just smiles like she's glad to see Burt's finally on the same page as the rest of them. "Did he? That's so sweet. I wouldn't have thought it of the Noah I knew. I think Kurt must be a good influence."

"You don't seem all that surprised here," Burt points out. "They've only been dating a few months."

"Honey, I tried to tell you this was coming when you were still in L.A. It was obvious even then. Kurt's in love, and now that I've seen them together, I can see Noah loves him too. It was inevitable, really."

"Okay," Burt says, frowning at how well she's taking this, because he seriously wants to freak out a little. He's okay with Kurt dating guys, sure, but marriage? It seems like he just graduated from high school, and as far as Burt's concerned, he's way too young for that kind of commitment. "I mean sure, they...love each other. But don't you think Kurt would have mentioned being engaged?"

Carole shrugs and takes the tray out of his hands, sliding it into the cabinet with the rest of the china she brought from her first marriage. "He's always been private about these things."

"Not bringing his boyfriends around to meet us, sure. But you'd think if he was serious enough about a guy to _marry_ him, he'd mention it to his parents."

"He brought Noah home, didn't he?" Carole says. She rolls her eyes and leans in, pressing a placating kiss to his cheek. "Burt, he's happy. Just be happy for him, okay? We'll handle everything else."

It's not until she turns off the light and heads upstairs, leaving him alone in the kitchen with only the glow of the neighbors' Christmas lights illuminating the darkness around him, that he realizes not only is he the last to know about Kurt's apparent engagement, but his wife's already planning a wedding.


End file.
